Old West Colorado

Yesterday I went to Buffalo Bill Days in downtown to see the annual parade. It was a lot of fun, wish I would of gone in years past considering I have lived in the area for 5 years. There was a lot to do and see and lots of funny floats in the parade. After the parade I wandered down to the Golden Living History Park that's right off main street. I had never been inside and thought it would be a great idea to see sense it was a free day with the buffalo bill festivities. I loved it, I mean it small but it was so neat. I think I will look into volunteering there as a living history person. I would be doing things and dressing as a old west settler and explaining what I am doing to people who visit the museum. I'm so excited to sign up!

Fuck the Back Row

Fantastic! What a great idea Amanda and Brian had. I think they should do more shows like this or atleast keep them fresh with new ideas (like FTBR) to add to the music, it just makes it so much more fun.

IKnowCrazy!

We just started a new computer program at work today, one week after my drive by training (it was that bad, seriously!). I was freaking out just to come into work today because I had no idea what to expect. It was a bit trying of my sanity this morning but it hasn't been too terrible like I expected luckily. My part of the system I use has been acting up all day but I think I have the idea of how to use it now which makes me feel better after messing around with it, I just can't wait till these bugs are worked out of the system . It will make my job easier in the long run so I'm all for it but I'm gonna need a drink for all my headaches when I get home today.

BTW......Nothing came of that date I had last week. Guy was a dud but now I have my first date under my belt and that makes me feel a bit better. I don't know why but it dose. I'm a weirdo, I know.

I've been soo busy freaking out about work and helping my parents finish the damn kitchen remodel (will it ever end!) that I have been at a loss for words. I so much want to enjoy my summer by going biking, hiking, fishing and all that crap but have been unable because for lack of time, being tired and losing my motivation when I do have time. Blaa-Blaa-Blaa I know its all excuses but seriously the time has been passing and not much has happened on my end other then my necessary chores. Ok yes I have got to a couple street fairs, gone to a couple great concerts and done a few other fun things this summer but I want it a jam packed thrill fest, I'm so hard to please I know. This weekend I am going out of town and hopefully will be outdoors doing fun stuff for most of it. My plan is to see a movie (Pirates of the Caribbean), read like a mad woman, take some nice walks outside, and take some pictures while I'm at it.

Officially over........I can't wait till next time!

The 2005-2006 With_Teeth Tour has made its last stop. I'm so happy I got to see NIN twice on this tour, each concert was truly amazing. They know how to put on a damn good show. I do wish that maybe I could of got backstage on one of the shows but I couldn't afford it so maybe next tour I can try to do that. I look forward to the next album, hopefully it will not be so long till we see it as in the past. I do wish Trent a good restfully time off. Enjoy it man, you deserve it!!!

~ Childhood Memories~

My best memories as a child are from my summers spent with my grandparents who lived in a small town in eastern Colorado.
One of my favorite memories was going down to the creek with the kids I was friends with next door. There was this creek that was in cow pasture down in the valley behind the town, we would go there to catch tadpoles and play in the water. We had so much fun! I have never been great at swimming but I never remember being afraid when we would wade in the water up to our chests and splash around. When we would go home we would have to be sprayed off with the garden hose just to enter the house because we were so mucky and slimy. When I have gone back as an adult I look back at that creek and now it looks SO disgusting but I loved it as a kid. I guess that's the great thing about being a kid you don't worry about trivial stuff you just worry about having fun.

Monday night..............Definitely not football

I went on my first date sense I have entered singledom again. First date I have been on in years so it was so strange but it went fine. We met for dinner and went for a walk on clear creek in down town golden. It was nice, we talked a lot. He is definitely a more outgoing person then me but we still had a fair amount of things in common so it worked out pretty well I think. But when the date came to a close I freaked out and didn't know what to do, I kinda froze. I ended up giving him a hug thought it was more me then him in that. That's the thing I hate about first dates, how do you know the right thing to do. Well thank god it was dark when we parted he couldn't see how flushed I got when I freaked out, I'm always so obvious by my coloring if I'm nervous of not.

saddle issues

I think if I had been given a saddle that fit me I would of enjoyed going horseback riding but my legs were to short to fit into the stirrups so I was uncomfortable not long after I started to ride. I wish I would of noticed to problem right away but I’m not used to riding horses and how saddles should be set up. I asked after I noticed the problem if it could be fixed so I could be more comfortable and enjoy my ride in safety and they said they couldn’t do anything because all the stirrups were the same length at the shortest as what I had and they could not put me on a child’s saddle because I was an adult. I’m probably not going to go horseback riding again because this isn’t my first time and I have had problems with something each time.

See more progress on: go horseback riding

I have gained 3lbs!!!!!!!
I'm going to have to do something about this.
I don't want to gain back much more because I worked so hard to lose the weight.
I'm going to have to become more disciplined again, darn.

I need to get up on a soap box today and talk about Men

Confusion overcomes me when I deal with a guy. They are emotional, moody, and needy. I have enough of that with myself to deal with and they think its just us who are like that, ya right. I know that what I've said is not always the case but this is just what I have dealt with lately with every male species that is in my life. One is getting on my last nerve and I really shouldn't say he is in my life cuse he really isn't its a guy I have connected with over the phone thru a chat line things and talk to once. He texts me like everyday and calls at least twice. Its on my last nerve, I was nice when we talked but I didn't think it would lead to such neediness from him. Guess I should of not been so nice. I need to tell him to drop it but I haven't gotten around to it I have just been ignoring it. Hopefully he will get the hint and understand when I tell him to leave me alone.

ok I feel better now that I have bitched..................

Broken Silence

Pain upon a young girls face
Worry in a boys voice
He asks "What is my address?"

Screaming and crying
Walls shaking and windows cracking
we will be gone soon
pack your bag
lets go

waiting for mom
feeling lost
lets leave him forever

Anger will overcome me
who will protect me when mom isn't there
heart is racing
The family is gone
gone forever

Today just sucks in more then 2 ways so I'm happy it friday. I don't have to be in this god forsaken place for the next 2 days.

Giving in to the pain..................

My heart hurts
What can I do to stop this pain
I wish I cared less about what others think
I wish I could control what I feel
Shut it out

Melt all this shit away
I want to scream and yell till you see how I hurt
Till you understand how fragile I am
Till you care for more then yourself

I fall on to the floor
Take my claws and rip my heart out
Then disappear

Like you care....right?

I have this song stuck in my head I listened to is over and over again the past 2 days. Not sure why but it makes me feel good, but maybe its just the voice behind the music that makes me feel good. *grins*



Sunspots cast a glare in my eyes
Sometimes I forget I'm alive
I feel it coming and I've got to get out of its way
I hear it calling and I come cause I can't disobey
I should not listen and I shouldn't believe
But I do
Yes I do

She turns me on
She makes me real
I have to apologize
For the way I feel

My life, it seems has taken a turn
Why in the name of god would I ever want to return?
Peel off our skin we're gonna burn what we were to the ground
Fuck in the fire and we'll spread all the ashes around
I wanna kill away the rest of what's left and I do
Yes I do

She turns me on
She makes me real
I have to apologize
For the way I feel

And nothing can stop me now
There is nothing to fear
And everything I'd ever want
Is inside of here

Ooh, I want, I want, I want, I want inside of here

Now I just stare into the sun
And I see everything I've done
I think I could have been someone
But I can't stop what has begun
When everything is said and done
And there is no place left to run
I think I used to be someone
Now I just stare into the sun

Song: Sunspots by NIN

A co-worker of mine had a parent who died last week. Yesterday was his first day back at work and I was surprised to see how ok he seemed to be. I know we all handle death differently but when you are ok it means to me that it was someone you were not so close to but this was his parent and he seemed ok maybe even unaffected. I also heard him talking to another person later in the afternoon stating that he had to stay back home the full week even thought he had nothing to do because of his mom. That was so nice he stayed for his mom but its sad he felt he had to do that and didn't do it because he wanted to.
I know its bad to pass judgment and I don't want to but I'm just surprised because I look at myself and I know I would not be ok. I don't even think I could fake being ok, especially if it had to do with my parents.

Trust, Money, & Problems..............

Last night I got a phone call that I care not talk about but I feel I need to get a few things off my chest to warn other. Learn from me.
A friend of mine (not sure how good a friend I really think he is now) about 2 years back started playing gambling sites for extra money and fun. He started winning right off the bat and became so turned on by the idea of winning that over the years he has found it hard not to bet money he doesn't always have. Luckily he has almost always come out ahead or ended up ahead in a short period of time. He like to work the tables now as a way of paying his bills, risky but he has been ok just barely scraping by but avoiding the "day job" we all wish we could. Anyways I let him gamble under my name those years back and the accounts (I know so stupid) had my bank account info that he has always used to transfer money to me that he has borrowed or owed to me in some way. Never had a problem till a few days ago. He called and was hysterical that he had done something wrong ow so wrong but could not tell me. I got aggravated and told him to text me whenever he felt he could talk about it to actually tell me what was going on. I took it as him trying to ruin my night because I was out having fun and he wasn't but when he texted me my heart dropped. He told me he had taken a large amount of money from my bank account and lost it all on a high stakes table. I was livid with him but what could I do for all I knew the money was gone. More came of this situation I care to not talk about but in all this I expected the worst. I expected to go home and find my bank account cleaned out. First thing I did the next morning was go to the bank to see what transactions happened in the past few days and found a few from where money was taken but nothing to the amount I expected, Thank God. I spent a good portion of my morning canceling my account and transferring my money to a new account that he dose not have access to. I felt good walking out of there knowing I had avoided a worse situation and that I could fix it, I wasn't helpless in this foolish mistake.
So please I know its something everyone knows but we don't always do what's best but don't let others have access to your bank accounts for any reason. Some of us trust people too much and that exactly what I did.

Don't Abandon me...............

I have this great fear of being tied down and kept with something or someone against my will. I'm not afraid of commitment I just want things on my terms or terms that I have settled or agreed to not ones forced upon me.
I have been stressing about my house sale, just getting to the point of putting it up on the market is a trauma inside for me. I want to get the show on the road and do paperwork so I have the terms all in black and white but the realtor is dragging his feet. He has told me that he will sell my place for free as long as I buy my next house thru him. I don't like that, its not that its not a great deal because it is, he is a friend and he feels he is doing me a favor but I just feel it will bind me to him and I don't like that. What if I don't want to buy a house for awhile or what if I want to move out of the metro area that he works in like I've been thinking I want to?? The guilt will eat me up for doing what I feel is best for me and not what I feel I should because I made a promise. I need to talk to him about this but I'm afraid he will abandon wanting to sell my house and in fact I really need him for this cuse I can't do it alone. This sucks.

Who's that girl?

I'm just too cute! LOL JK

NIN

I went to the most awesome concert last night!!! (both time I have seen NIN in concert it has been awesome and I have heard the same from others I know who love him) The show they put on was amazing, I wish I had had a camera to take pictures of the stage setup (I will have pictures to come of Trent (yummy!) that we took at the concert). It was a heavy mesh type screen that came up and down a few times during the concert in front of the band (they have that a lot but this was the first time I could see it well)and it had images and colors pulsating thru it and it made for an amazing visual experience. I was so pumped from the concert I didn't go to bed till 4am, so unlike me cuse I'm a sleepy head.

stress release

I knew the basics of sewing sense I was a kid but I really got into learning when I had a freind who was having twins a few years back. I decided I needed to make 2 quilts, I had never done it and never learned how but i got a old book and self taught myself. It was a big learning process as now i know some of the things I did then were big time wasters but i didn’t know any other way then. The quilts ended up looking great and have held up fabulous thru many washes. I also discovered that sewing at the time was a great stress releaver, i was pissed off alot at the dating i was involved with then and i got alot done fast!

See more progress on: learn how to sew

I hate this place sometimes..............

Today has taken me by surprise and it hasn't been in a good way. Ginger my favorite nurse is gone. She has left today, transferred to another clinic of the managements suggestion. It is for a good reason to save her but that's not good enough for me. It hurt to see her leave, I cried after she left. This is all because a certain someone who works here has been causing trouble, the kind of trouble that gets people to loose there jobs except the person causing the trouble because they make themselves look like the victim or angel. It hurts to know she wasn't the first to know this certain persons wrath of trouble and I doubt she will be the last as long as the person is employed at this clinic.

I wish the person would leave this clinic. I wish they would of never come back to work here. I wish they had never worked here in the first place.

Success is...achieved and maintained by those who try - and keep trying

Success!!

I have won the pot of money at work for the person who could lose the most weight over the past 2 months. I have lost 16lbs as of this morning!!!! I'm so proud of myself to meet this goal. But this will continue, the weight loss that is and I plan to use the money I won to buy new clothing after a lose a bit more weight so I can buy a smaller size clothing. I look forward to that day..........

Untitled

I’m selling the house soon and I hate painting so screw it. I will only do it if the realtor makes me to help sell the house.

See more progress on: finish painting the shed

Untitled

I am taking my certification exam this September. I figuered it was time, its getting to the point you have to have it now to get a job and if I want to move I need it.

See more progress on: become a certified pharmacy technician

I am doing so good!

I have lost 12-13 lbs so far just by eating right the past 2 months. I am proud of myself, I will start exersizing a bit more soon probiby when I lost 10% of my weight which is only a few more lbs but for now the eating better is going great.

See more progress on: eat healthy

Dr.T

I don't understand you. Not one bit.
You come in late to work and then as if it wasn't bad enough that your patients had to wait on your late start you started cleaning counters being you OCD self right infront of them while they were still waiting. And you wonder why they walk up to you and ask why they have been waiting so long and then you go and tell the patient that it is a lab holdup and you will get on the person holding things up so they can get out of here. How nice of you to make us your staff look bad when you are the one screwing up.

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." -- Anais

I have few truly close friends and I have always been that way because I like to keep to myself a lot. But when I choose to spend time with someone I want to have them bring something specials out in me as I hope to do to them as well, that will be why we like to spend time with eachother. So with that said I understand totally what this quote says, its as if it was written just for me so I could express how I feel about friendship.
Friendship is one of the most important things we have to give and receive in this life.

I'm doing so good on my losing weight. I'm so proud of myself, i have no lost a totally of 10lbs by just eating right and i think there is more to come! I'm feeling so good about it, i have never actually tryed like this before just eating right to get the weight to come off. I'm gonna be one sexy mama for my Vegas trip in september baby. I even bought some CFM red pumps just for that trip and they make my legs look fabulous. I almost bought another pair in a different color cuse I felt so sexy in them. Damn!!

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

~Sooner then later~

I shall leave the big city one day in search of a new home. To grow and to florish in what I have in my head as "the wild". It will be a very intoxicating thing to watch and experience.

Only one more month to go!

We are one month into our work bet to see who can lose the most weight. We have a dropout because someone found out they were pregnant so the pot is $200 now but that's still great! As of Friday I have lost 6 lbs. (which puts me in the lead, hopefully I can stay in the lead) and I have improved my eating habits by leaps and bounds. I am proud of myself for doing so well because I am the queen on NO WILLPOWER but I haven't cut myself off from the things I love I have just cut my meal sizes down and eat tons more fruits and veggies. I am enjoying myself so its not so sad on my end, its just a win win situation. I just need to get my but moving but man I'm having a hard time with doing this exercise thing, when I do exercise I feel so great but it hard to find that energy a lot of the time to actually kick my but in gear to do it. Ow well if all I get for now is the better eating habits I think that great, it will still make me healthier in the long run.

I decided to go up to Redrocks for a nice walk and to take some pictures today. It is such a gorgeous day out and I wanted to enjoy it!

I was there for awhile walking around on the paths and watching all the people that were out there (a lot were running up and down the seating area getting a good workout, they made me tired just watching them). I was so fucking tired when I finally got ready to go from all that walking (that was mostly uphill it seemed like), I wanted to die on the walk back to my car.

~ Before Redrocks ~

~ After Redrocks ~

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional Your Mathematical Intelligence is Average Your General Knowledge is Above Average

My IQ is 95

Try this IQ test for yourself and see where you rate: http://www.blogthings.com/quickanddirtyiqtest/

Spent the weekend with one of my very best friends. It was great, we haven't been able to hang out with just him and I in like 9 weeks. On Saturday he took me to see a place called Bishops Castle and we drove thru and stopped at the reservoir in San Isabel. Both places we great. The castle was just Amazing. I took a few pictures as I was walking around but no picture dose this place justice.




On Sunday which was Easter we went for a walk down on the Arkansas river. It was such a nice day we just had to get out and enjoy it and later had a little bbq at his folks. We just sat outside and enjoyed the afternoon. I didn't really want the weekend to end.

~Gift~

I got a lovely little gift yesterday, concert tickets! I've been helping a friend out with phone calls, paperwork, and such and he told me he was giving me a ticket for the NIN concert this summer. I'm so excited because I wasn't planning on going because of money issues but now I can go see them (yummy!) and its going to be at RedRocks which is a super fantastic place to see a concert!

My taxes are done!

I'm so happy that its finally done. I had a nice surprise once I finished seeing how much I'm getting back so now have some extra money to put towards my Vegas trip this fall. * happy dance*

I went to see the Dresden Dolls last night and they are AWESOME!

I enjoyed every minute of the show, they are so into there songs that you can't helped but be sucked into the feeling. Amanda did a song towards the end of the show for a friends of hers that died a few days ago. She sang "hallelujah" and it was so beautiful. I think it truly came from her heart.

You should see them, hear them, know them. The Dresden Dolls are truly amazing.

I'm Back......

Unluckily!
Going to Arizona for that tiny trip was great. It was so relaxing to sit around in the warmth of the desert and just go with the flow. Now I kinda want to move there, not that it would happen anytime soon but it could happen in the next few years. Job stuff you know can be a pain and I actually have to have a license from the board of Pharmacy to practice in that state. Ow well its all to come, I know my cousin Kat would be so thrilled she might pass out from excitement. (she is trying to get my whole family to move out there, she bugs my mom about it a lot because she is the one who I think is most uneasy to move)

Getting ready to go on my little trip to Arizona.

I leave at 7:30pm tonight so I have to head out to the airpost right after work.

I'm so excited!!!!

Favorite Songs

I was asked to name what my favorite songs were today and this song "Alfalfa's" By Leftover salmon came into my head. I haven't heard it in forever because its only on 1 album I know of and its a KBCO studio C album that has not been for sale in years. I want to hear it again, its a funny song.

"When I grow up, I wanna work at Alfalfa's
Where the cheese is dairy free
A birkenstocks, spandex, necktie, patchouli grocery
I'll have a job, picking through the produce- no pesticides for me!
I'll be a working modern income socially conscience Boulder hippie"

Seriously why dose this even happen!?

Why do unplanned pregnancies happen so often. If your having sex you know what can happen as a result of the act and if you don't want the result to be pregnancy wouldn't you use something ANYTHING to prevent it from happening? I mean people birth control has been around for many many years and is very easy to get and there is such a variety of options that can be used that I'm sure most people don't know all of them. I'm a firm believer in sex education in schools and to give kids condoms or other options because you know that they will be curious as all of us were and what good will it do them to have that chance that they will have a kid when they are still a kid themselves. I mean really people what is this world coming to when some people want to keep kids so ignorant, its not putting a seed in there head to have sex they are already thinking it, we are creatures that have needs and its something to be enjoyed as long as you are responsible enough to know the facts before you go forward with that activity.
Live long and have fun while you can but think about your actions everyone.

I'm going to win $250!!!!

At work we have decided to bet who could lose the most weight in the next 2 months. This is our way of finding the motivation to go workout, eat right and stuff like that. We put in $50 each and whoever loses the most weight by May 22nd with get the pot of money. I really want to win this bet because I need the money but I also want to loose a few extra pounds ( I need it just to make me feel better, isn't that bad!?!).

The Dresden Dolls are coming to Denver on 4/4/06.

I'm hoping to go to there concert because I missed the last one that was here in Colorado and they are going on there European tour in about a month.

They are awesome!! If you don't know who they are you should check them out. They are definitely worth the listen. There music is different from the norm but that is part of there appeal, atleast for me it is.

~ First day of Spring ~

New thoughts to come but first I must warm up from this cold weather. Today is sposed to be the first day of spring and its fucken cold and snowing.


Nice............